I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
