tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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