five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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