I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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