We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
