do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
