I molested 6 butterflies tonight
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
