Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
