What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize