dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
