Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
