His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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