this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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