my phone cant type all the emotion im having
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
