i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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