I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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