TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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