a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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