and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
