If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize