I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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