marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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