If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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