You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
