you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
