Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
