If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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