Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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