i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
