I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
