Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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