My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
