worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
