He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
