my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
