im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
