Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
