Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
