his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
