I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
