Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt