In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on