I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.