Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think this conversation is over.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.