i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.