I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
