Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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