We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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