...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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