K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
