Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
