Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
