She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
