he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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