Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
