how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
