we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
