Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.