its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?