i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night