We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.