My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma