just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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