Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
