brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize