Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
