Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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