oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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