a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your penis caused this!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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